Dowry
THE CUSTOM OF DOWRY IS NOT ISLAMIC
The custom of giving dowry—a practice which has never been sanctioned by Islam—is greatly on the increase among the Muslims of India and Pakistan. As this custom is not prevalent among the Muslims of other countries, it seems quite clear that it has been borrowed by Indian and Pakistani Muslims from the Hindus of the sub-continent. The latter, in accordance with their ancient law, did not give their daughters any share in the family property, but on the occasion of their marriage—as a measure of compensation —they gave them dowries, part of which took the form of household goods.
In imitating this Hindu custom in India, Muslims are denying their daughters their rightful share in the family property to which they are entitled under Islamic law. The practice of “compensating” for this by giving them wedding presents and labelling these jahaz or “dowry” (jahez in Urdu) is, in reality, a deliberate evasion of the Islamic law of inheritance.
There is a body of opinion among certain Muslims which has it that jahaz is the sunnah (way) of the Prophet, because he himself gave his daughter, Fatimah, a “dowry” on the occasion of her marriage to ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib.
FATIMAH’S DOWRY
As a justification for giving dowry, in the modem sense of the word, this proposition is clearly unacceptable, for, according to early records, the “dowry” which the Prophet gave to Fatimah consisted of only the barest of household necessities.
According to ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib, Prophet Muhammad prepared for Fatimah a sheet, a leather bag for carrying water, and a pillow filled by idkhar (grass).1
Abdullah ibn ‘Amr, enumerates them as a khamil (a single sheet of cloth), a leather bag for carrying water and an idkhar filled pillow made of leather.2
Asma, the daughter of ‘Umyas, relates that when Fatimah left for ‘Ali’ s house, it was quite unfurnished except for a flooring of sand, a pillow of date palm bark, a pot of water and a drinking vessel. Even the sheet which Fatimah was given had to be divided in two so that one half could be spread for sleeping on and the other half could be worn.3
If, nowadays, a girl’s dowry had to be defined purely in terms of household necessities and limited to the same few items which the Prophet gave to Fatimah, it seems unlikely that anyone would consider it becoming to give a dowry at all.
Then the question arises as to why the Prophet felt obliged to give anything to Fatimah at all, when it had never been the custom to give presents to the bride. This feeling of obligation can be traced to the quality of the relationship which had grown up between ‘Ali and himself. When ‘Ali was just a boy, the Prophet requested his father, Abu Talib, to confide him to his care. From his very childhood, then, ‘Ali had been under the guardianship of the Prophet. Because of this long, close association, they had become more like father and son, rather than just cousins. Considering that the Prophet had borne all ‘Ali’ s expenses right from the time he came to him, it was but natural that on the occasion of his marriage, the Prophet, as his guardian, should give him some necessary items with which to set up his home.
DOMESTIC NECESSITIES
It is clear that the verb jahhaza, as used in the traditions, never had the meaning which it has acquired in modem times. In Arabic, it simply meant the “furnishing of provisions.”4
Nowadays, it is commonly held that at the time of her marriage, a girl should be given an ample dowry to enable her to set up her new home with ease. But this is a wholly non-Islamic concept and has no bearing whatsoever on the ideal of marriage in Islam. Had it been a traditional Islamic practice, we should certainly have seen the precedents set for it in the Prophet’s own lifetime. As it happened, the Prophet gave household items only to Fatimah, largely on account of his close relationship with ‘Ali and gave nothing at all to his other three daughters on the occasion of their marriages. Had dowry-giving been an established sunnah of the Prophet, he would surely have given it to his other daughters as well.
THE REAL GIFT
One regrettable aspect of dowry-giving in recent times is that it is becoming more and more a matter of ostentation. Nothing could be more un-Islamic in motivation than this. Even the practice of performing a marriage quietly, without any flamboyant display of wealth, but subsequently giving a lavish dowry to enable the bride to set up her home is contrary to Islamic practice. It was certainly not the sunnah of the Prophet. Fatimah was his favorite daughter, but he neither gave her a lavish dowry nor did he send things to her home after the wedding. Even when Fatimah made a request to him for something of a material nature, he only gave her the benefit of his counsel.
Different versions of Fatimah’s request have been recorded in many of the books on Hadith. It seems that she had to do all the housework herself, which she found physically very taxing. During the early period of her marriage, the Prophet had received a number of captives who were to be used as slaves. ‘Ali told Fatimah about this and suggested that she should go and ask her father to give her one of them. When Fatimah came to the Prophet, he asked what had brought her there. But, feeling too shy to ask anything of him, she merely said, “I have come to say salam to you,” and she went back home without having explained her difficulties to him. The Prophet later came to her house and asked why she had really come. Then Fatimah said, “O Prophet of God, both of my hands have boils on them. I have to keep grinding and kneading the flour, so I wanted a servant.” The Prophet replied, “Whatever God has decreed, that you will receive. And I will tell you something better than that. That is, when you go to bed, glorify God 33 times and proclaim His glory 33 times and praise him 34 times. This makes full one hundred. Such action on your part is better than that of having a servant.”5
In spite of these events having been faithfully recorded, there are still many people who seek to justify the giving of huge dowries by citing the example of the Prophet’s gifts to Fatimah. But would anyone of this number advise a daughter with blistered hands to forget about having a servant and praise God instead? Would anyone of them, on hearing her bewail her lot because of difficulties with in-laws, advise her simply to turn to God? By any standard of consistency, that is exactly what they ought to do.
If any misguided scoffer were to allege that Islam was an imperfect religion in that it failed to lay down guidelines for every eventuality in our lives, all Muslims would be up in arms against him. But, in practice, Muslims themselves make the same assertion, if tacitly, whenever they accept the ways of other religions as being more practicable than those of Islam.
Certainly, in the case of dowry, Muslims have unashamedly adopted a Hindu custom. Similarly, other rites performed during Muslim marriages have been derived from the customs of other nations. If Muslims suppose that just taking a pride in Islam is the sole prerequisite for their being honored in the court of God, they will eventually have to do penance for having entertained such a grave misconception. They would do well to reflect upon how the Jews took enormous pride in the shari’ah of the Mosa, without this, however, preventing them from being cursed by the Almighty.
MAHR—THE DOWER
Islam has successfully maintained an even balance in society between men and women by giving its unequivocal endorsement to a practical division of labor, whereby women are placed in charge of the internal arrangement of the household, while men are responsible for its financing. The home is thus organized on the pattern of a microcosmic estate, with the man in a position of authority. The Quran is specific on this issue:
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because God has made some of them to excel others and because they support them from their means. All the righteous women are the truly devout ones, who guard the intimacy which God has (ordained to be) guarded.6
For largely biological reasons, women are well adapted to domestic pursuits while men, for similar reasons, are better suited to work outside the home. These physical and mental differences between men and women are, in practice, what underlay Islam’s division of familial responsibilities into internal and external spheres, with the woman dealing exclusively with the home and family and the man providing the funds.
MAHR MU‘AJJAL
At the time of the marriage, the groom hands over to the bride a sum of money called mahr (dower) which is a token of his willing acceptance of the responsibility of bearing all necessary expenses of his wife. This is the original meaning of mahr, although this custom has come to have different connotations in modern times.
There are two ways of presenting mahr to the bride. One is to hand it over at the time of the marriage, in which case it is known as mahr mu’ajjal, or promptly given dower. (The word mu’ajjal is derived from ‘ajilah, meaning “without delay.”) During the time of the Prophet and his Companions, mahr mu’ajjal was the accepted practice and the amount fixed was generally quite minimal. The giving of mahr by ‘Ali to Fatimah, the Prophet’s daughter, is an illustration of how this custom was respected. (It has been recorded in detail in the books of Hadith.) After the marriage had been arranged, the Prophet asked ‘Ali if he had anything he could give as dower in order to make Fatimah his lawfully wedded wife. ‘Ali replied, “By God, I have nothing, O Messenger of God.” The Prophet then asked, “Where is the coat of armor I once gave you?” ‘Ali replied that it was still in his possession (although he later admitted “by the Master of his soul” that it was in a dilapidated condition and, as such, was not even worth four dirhams). The Prophet then instructed him—“since I have married you to Fatimah”—to send the coat of armor to Fatimah, thereby making his union lawful. This then was the sum total of Fatimah’s dower.7
Rabi’ah Aslami, who tells of how he used to serve the Prophet, was asked one day by the latter why he did not get married. Rabi’ah replied that it was because he had nothing to give to his wife-to-be. The Prophet mulled the whole matter over, then asked him to go to a certain Ansar tribe and say that the Prophet had sent him to get married to a particular woman. Rabi’ah did as the Prophet advised, conveying his message to the tribesmen, and was duly married to the woman in question. But he greatly regretted having nothing to give her by way of dower. He came back to the Prophet and told him of his feelings. The Prophet then arranged for the dower by requesting the Chief of the Aslam tribe, Burayda Aslami, to “collect for him (Rabi’ah Aslami) gold equal in weight to one date stone.” Rabi’ah relates how the people of his tribe did just that, whereupon he took the collected gold from them, and went to the Prophet. The latter told him to take it to the girl’s family and tell them that this was her dower. Rabi’ah did so. They accepted it with pleasure, saying, “It is much, it is good.”8
MAHR muwajjal
Another way of giving dower, according to the shari’ah, is to hand it over, not on the occasion of the marriage, but after a certain period of time, the duration of which is fixed by the man. This has to be settled at the time of the marriage if mahr is not to be handed over immediately. This form of dower is called mahr muwajjal, “a period of time.” This has often been willfully misinterpreted as implying an indefinite postponement of the giving of dower. But this is quite erroneous, for a definite date has always to be fixed for the discharging of this responsibility.
Mahr muwajjal, however, can take the form of some service performed by the husband, one notable example of which was the grazing of cattle by the Prophet Moses. When Moses left Egypt for Madyan, he married Safoora, the daughter of the Prophet Shu’ayb. His mahr muwajjal was settled and paid off by binding himself to grazing the cattle of his elderly father-in-law for a period of eight to ten years. Only after performing this service for a full ten years did he leave Madyan for Egypt.9
THE OPINIONS OF JURISTS
The system of dower favored by the shari’ah entails immediate handing over of mahr. This was the practice followed by all of the Prophet’s Companions. Deferred dower is an alternative but is not ranked equal in merit of a prompt discharging of this responsibility. It is simply a form of concession made to those who are unable to meet the requirements of mahr at the time of marriage.
Further details on this subject may be found in the books of Fiqh. In his book, AI-Fiqh ‘aIa’l Madahib al-Arba’ah, ‘Abdur Rahman al-Jaziri devotes 85 pages to the subject of dower. The issue of the two systems of dower, mu‘ajjal and muwajjal, is discussed in four pages. Although jurists have their differences on this matter, these are of a minor nature.
The different sects of sunnis don’t differ in usul, or the fundamentals of religious belief, but only in minor rules of practice and in certain legal interpretations. Since, in some respects, separate doctrines are broached, four schools of jurisprudence have been established, known as Hanafi, Shafi’i, Hanbali and Maliki.
All of these schools agree that delay in handing over the dower, whether in full, or in part, is lawful, provided that the period fixed for payment is not indefinite. The Shafi’is also stipulate that the “period of payment should have been, fixed in time.”10
NO HEAVY BURDEN
The dower, which may be in cash or in kind, has to be fixed taking into account the bridegroom’s position in life. That is, it should never be more than he is easily able to afford, whether it be a lump sum in cash or some article of value. The jurists have different views to offer on what the minimum amount should be, but all are agreed that it should be substantial enough for something to be bought against it. Any amount which is sufficient for a purchase is acceptable as dower.11
There are no traditions which encourage an increase in the dower, whereas there are many traditions which enjoin the fixing of smaller dowries. In all such cases, Islam lays down guidelines rather than issuing strict commandments. That is why Islam has not totally forbidden any increase in the dowry, and it is left to tradition to carry on the principle of fixing smaller sums. There is a well-known saying of Prophet Muhammad, according to ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbas, that “the best woman is one whose dower is the easiest to pay.”12
Another saying refers to such a bride as “the most blessed woman.”13 “The state of blessedness,” according to a third saying, resides in “her being easy to deal with and taking less dowry.”14
‘Aishah was once asked how much dower the Prophet gave his wives. She replied that it was 12 auqiyah and 1 nash (one nash being equal to half an auqiyah, that is, about 500 dirhams). This was the only dower of the Prophet Muhammad for his wives.15 “But,” she added, ‘Umm Habiba’s dower consisted of 4000 dirhams, this sum having been fixed by the Christian King of Abyssinia, Najashi, who had performed this marriage by proxy.”16
NON-PREFERABLE WAY
The second Caliph, ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab, once while addressing a gathering asked them to refrain from fixing heavy dowers in marriage. On hearing this, a woman stood up and, addressing the Caliph on the pulpit said, as God Himself has said, “If you have given much wealth to your women do not take anything from it.” On hearing what the woman had to say, ‘Umar withdrew his words, saying, “The woman is right, ‘Umar is wrong.”17
It is clear then that although the fixing of higher amounts to be given as dower is not strictly forbidden from the legal point of view, this practice is generally considered to be socially undesirable. That is why the dowers of the Prophet and his Companions were kept very low. According to the records we have, there is no single instance of anyone of them having fixed substantial dowers either for himself or for his daughters.
THE COMPANIONS AND THEIR MARRIAGES
In the first era of Islam, marriage was a simple affair, without pomp or ceremony. Any expenditure incurred in its performance being quite minimal, it did not become a burden on either family. The wedding celebrations of the Companions were, in keeping with this principle, quite free of any ostentation. There is a saying of the Prophet that “the most blessed marriage is one in which the marriage partners place the least burden on each other.”18 Certainly, the most trouble-free marriage is one in which the existing resources are sufficient to meet all normal requirements.
There was once a case of a certain individual having become engaged without having anything to give as dower. When this came to the attention of the Prophet, he asked him over and over again if he really had nothing to give. When the man replied in the negative, the Prophet, far from telling him that he should borrow money and then get married, asked him if he had not learned certain parts of the Quran by heart. On receiving an affirmative answer from him, the Prophet said, “I therefore marry you to that woman. The dower you give will be that part of the Quran which you have committed to memory.”19 In other words, he should have to teach that part of the Quran to his wife.
The simplicity which marked the occasion of marriage in the days of the Prophet is well illustrated by ‘Abdur Rahman ibn ‘Auf, one of the foremost of the Prophet’s Companions, who was married in Medina with as little ceremony as possible, not even thinking it necessary to invite the Prophet or any of the Companions. Imam Ahmad tells of how the Prophet came to know that ‘Abdur Rahman was married: ‘Abdur Rahman ibn ‘Auf came to the Prophet with the scent of saffron upon him, and when the Prophet asked him about this, he said, “I have married.” The Prophet then enquired as to how much dower he had given his bride. “Gold equal in weight to one date stone,” he replied.20
A WRONG CUSTOM
In modern times the Islamic spirit has almost vanished from the responsibilities connected with the arranging and performing of a marriage. Muslims nowadays prefer to follow local custom rather than the guidelines of Islam. One manifestation of such a misguided practice is the fixing of heavy dowers—much in vogue in the brides’ families, as this is regarded as safeguarding the girls’ interests. In this regard the Dictionary of Islam says:
The custom of fixing heavy dowers, generally beyond the husband’s means, especially in India, seems to be based upon the intention of checking the husband from ill-treating his wife, and, above all, from his marrying another woman, as also from wrongfully or causelessly divorcing the former. For in the case of divorce the woman can demand the full payment of the dower.21
The fixing of a substantial dower for the above purposes rests on the supposition that the dower has to be fixed at the time of marriage, but not handed over on that occasion. This gives it a “deterrent” value, which it could not otherwise have, i.e. if it was immediately paid.
This supposition is quite un-Islamic. As mentioned above, there are only two lawful forms of dower in Islam, one being mahr mu‘ajjal, which is handed over at the time of the marriage, and the other being mahr mu’ajjal, which is to be given later, but at a definite point in time. That is, the man must fix a date for its payment, and must abide by it. The third custom, according to which a dower is to be given, without any time being appointed for the fulfillment of this due, is not in accordance with the Islamic shari’ah. Whatever is done on this basis is certainly unlawful.
SURE SOLUTION
What parents try to achieve—unsuccessfully—through the fixing of heavy dowers, is stability in their daughters’ marriages. But such stability relates more to the girl’s appreciation of the realities of life than to the manipulation of the dower, or to any other material consideration. It is unfortunate that a great deal of wishful thinking is indulged in in our present society, whereas what is needed is a keener awareness of the root cause of familial and societal problems. The commonest manifestations of these are quarrels with in-laws, and sometimes even the breaking up of the home. The main reason for the increasing frequency of such tribulation in married life is the absence of any real appreciation on the part of the bride of what her new role in the family is supposed to be.
The bride comes from her parent’s home where she has had the unstinted affection of her father, mother, sisters and brothers. This relationship, and the place in the family which it gives her, are usually taken for granted, and seldom regarded as factors in life which have to be striven for. She is seldom conscious that these very valuable elements in family living are not just hers for the taking when she enters her new home as a married woman. They have to be worked for, and she has to show herself deserving of them; only then can she claim the kind of love and regard which she had had as a matter of right from early childhood in her parents’ home. This initial lack of awareness on her part is very often the cause of major rifts later on in her married life.
A girl is the flesh and blood of her parents. She is loved by them whether she is good or bad, whether she is active or idle, whether she helps her parents or not, and she can safely expect them to continue to love her, regardless of the circumstances of her life, and regardless of how her own character develops. But she has no such blood relationship with her in-laws. Love from them will never be unconditional, but will exist, cease to exist, increase or decrease, in direct relation to the impression which her character and abilities make upon them in the general round of daily living.
For the bride, entering the marriage bond is like undergoing a series of tests, the outcome of which will determine whether her married life will be stable and happy, or exactly the reverse. If a girl feels like a fish out of water in her new home, it simply means that she has to make greater efforts to understand and adapt herself to her new environment. Wise parents will warn their daughters in advance that they must learn to mold themselves to new sets of circumstances.
A girl who enters marriage with a correct appreciation of what is required of her will make the transition with the greatest of ease. She will soon, by virtue of her character and accomplishments, earn the same honorable position in her parents-in-law’s home as she had in her parents’ home solely on account of their love for her. For such a girl, entering marriage will be as easy as changing her habits of dress with the change of the season.
In the case of a girl who enters marriage, uninstructed by her parents as to the realities of life in her parents-in-Iaw’s home, friction is likely to arise because she does not consider her new home her real abode in life. She does not think of it as being her own home. As a result, her parents-in-law will be repelled rather than attracted by her and they, too, will not think of her as their own. In such a situation it is the girl herself who has to pay the price. Her life will be fretted away, with little sense of fulfillment; she will be fortunate indeed if her afflictions are only psychological. It is a matter of great regret that girls in this position seldom realize that their woes have no basis in fact, but stem largely from their unpreparedness for the married state. Such a situation is invariably aggravated when the girl’s parents, spurred on by her complaints, attempt to intervene. Their hostile attitude in the long run only causes their daughter to suffer more. Whenever there is; clash between the weak and the strong, it is always the former who suffer and, of course, within the bonds of marriage, it is always the girl who is in the weaker position. Parents do not realize the damage they do to their own daughter’s life in waging an unending war against her in-laws. But, as the old saying goes, “Every father is a fool where his children are concerned.”
Where parents are blinded by their affection for their daughter, it is up to the girl herself to think objectively. Suppose as a customer in a shop, she attempted to appropriate items for which she had not paid. Obviously, these goods would be withheld from her by the shopkeeper. You have to give before you get. Similarly, in her parents’-in-law’s home, if she demands their attention, care and affection without having given any of these things to them, she cannot expect them to behave towards her with absolute perfection. You must pay the price of the goods you wish to possess.
The parents-in-law’s home is a kind of training and testing ground in which the girl must be willing to learn, to adapt and to prove her mettle. She must leave behind her the fairy tale existence of her parent’ s home and enter the realms of reality. The bride who does not grasp these imperatives will most likely be a failure both as a wife and as a daughter-in-law. It is the girl who is prepared to look the hard facts of life in the face who will make her marriage a resounding success.
Notes
1. An-Nasa’i, Sunan, Kitab an-Nikah, 5/135.
2. Al-Haythami, Majma‘ az-Zawa’id wa Manba’ al-Fawa’id, Kitab al-Manaqib, 9/210.
3. Ibid., 9/209.
4. See, The Quran, 12:70.
5. Al-Haythami, Majma‘ az-Zawa’id wa Manba‘ al-Fawa’id, Kitab al-Adkhar, 10/122.
6. The Quran, 4:34.
7. Ibn Kathir, As-Sirah an-Nabawiyah, 2/544.
8. Ahmad ibn Hanbal, Masnad, Kitab al-‘Ilm, 4/58.
9. See, The Quran, 28:27-29.
10. Abdur Rahman al-Jaziri, Al-Fiqh ‘ala’l Madahib al-Arba‘ah, 4/153-156.
11. Ibid., 4/107.
12. Al-Haythami, Majma‘ az-Zawa’id wa Manba‘ al-Fawa’id, Kitab an-Nikah, 4/281.
13. Al-Baihaqi, Sunan al-Kubra, Katib as-Sudaq, 7/235.
14. Kanz al-‘Ummal, Kitab an-Nikah, 16/322.
15. Ad-Darimi, Sunan, Kitab an-Nikah, 2/141.
16. Abu Dawud, Sunan, Kitab an-Nikah, 2/235.
17. Ibn Hajar al-‘Athqalani, Fath al-Bari, 9/167.
18. Al-Haythami, Majma‘ az-Zawa’id wa Manba‘ al-Fawa’id, Kitab an-Nikah, 4/255.
19. Abu Dawud, Sunan, Kitab an-Nikah, 2/336.
20. Ibid, 2/336.
21. Thomas Patric Hughes, Dictionary of Islam, p. 91.
