Manners In Speech
There is virtue in
refusing to retaliate
Certain individuals, who held Abu Bakra to be in the wrong abut something, set upon him and flung him to the ground. His son, Abdul Aziz came running, but Abu Bakr told him to hold off, swearing an oath in the name of God, that if any soul were to be taken away from this world, it had best be his own. When his son asked him why, he replied: “Because I fear that I shall live to see a time when I am unable to command good and forbid evil. When that day comes, there will be no-good in the world.”
(AL-TABARANI)
Not being offended when criticized
When Umar ibn Khattab became Caliph, he removed Khalid ibn Walid from the leadership of the Muslim forces in Syria. According to Nashirah ibn Sahmi, Umar gave a sermon in Jabiya, explaining his decision to remove Khalid from his post. “It was my command that wealth should be kept for poor emigrants but he distributed it among people who were high in status and refined in speech. That is why I relieved him of his duties and appointed in his place Abu Ubaydah ibn Jarrah.” A relative of Khalid, Abu Amr ibn Hafs, who was present at the time, promptly sprang to his feet and said to Umar, “By God, this is no justification for removing one who was appointed by the Prophet himself, nor is it any reason to sheath a sword already drawn by the Prophet, nor lay low a banner raised by him. You have treated your own kinsman with vindictiveness.” Umar listened to everything that Abu Amr had to say. Finally, he replied in a gentle tone: “You are a relative of Khalid and still young; you have taken offence on behalf of this man simply because he is your uncle’s son.”
(AHMAD, MUSNAD)
Discord and the truth
Abu Bakr used to give equal allowances to everybody, irrespective of rank or class. It was suggested to him that the Muhajirs and Ansar be given more than others, but Abu Bakr dismissed this, saying: “They have their rank with God. This is a matter of worldly livelihood, in which it is better to be even-handed.” Umar differed on this matter and when he became Caliph, he introduced a system by which some received larger allowances than others: 5000 dirhams were allotted to the Emigrants and the Helpers; other Muslims were given 4000. According to this allocation, Usamah ibn Zayd received 4000 dirhams, while to his own son, Abdullah, Umar gave only 3000. Abdullah ibn Umar asked his father why he had been given less than Usamah. “What rank does he or his father have that I do not have?” Umar told his son: Usamah’s father was dearer to the Prophet than your father, while he himself was dearer than you. According to one tradition, Umar came round to Abu Bakr’s point of view later in his life, admitting that it was more practical.
(AHMAD, BAZZAR)
An oath is an oath
At the outset of the Battle of Hunayn, the Muslims were forced back, leaving the Prophet and a few others to hold their ground. The Prophet called for the others to join him, but his voice was drowned by the din of battle. He turned, therefore, to Abbas, who had a voice of exceptional power and told him to shout: “O companions of the Tree1! O Companions of the Acacia!” to remind them of their oath of allegiance to the Prophet to fight unto death. Immediately the summons was answered from all sides-”Labbayk!” (“Here at your service!”) as Emigrants and Helpers rallied to his side. Abbas later recalled that they ran to the Prophet as calves run to their mothers.
(MUSLIM, SAHIH)
Halting in one’s steps
on hearing the Quran
Abdullah ibn Abbas tells of how Uaynah ibn Hisn came to Madinah, where he stayed with his nephew, Hur ibn Qays. His youth notwithstanding, the latter numbered among those who were close to the Caliph Umar, for he was learned in the Quran and, whether young or old, those who were well-versed in the Quran were given a special place in Umar’s discussions and council meetings. Uaynah, therefore, asked his nephew to use his good offices with the Caliph to obtain permission for an audience. Umar then agreed to meet Uaynah who, addressing the Caliph as “son of Khattab,’’ said to him, “No riches do you bestow upon us, neither do you treat us justly.” At this, Umar became angry and was about to descend upon Uaynah, when Hur ibn Qays said to him:
“Commander of the Faithful, God told His Prophet to ‘show forgiveness, enjoin justice and turn away from the ignorant.” (7:199) Truly, this man is ignorant.” Abdullah ibn Abbas relates how, upon hearing this verse, Umar did not advance by so much as an inch. It was his way to halt in his steps whenever he heard a recitation from the Quran.
(AL-BUKHARI, SAHIH)
Truth should be
unclouded by prejudice
A few years before the Muslims had emigrated to Madinah, Mus’ab ibn Umayr was sent there by the Prophet. On reaching Madinah, he quietly began communicating the teachings of Islam to its inhabitants by reciting the Quran to them. Saad ibn Muadh, who was at that time chieftain of the Banu Abd al-’Ashhal tribe, became incensed over Musab ibn Umayr’s activities. So one day, armed with a spear, Saad went in search of Musab. Near a well on the outskirts of the town he found the Muslim from Makkah talking to a crowd of people about Islam. Approaching the group, Saad ibn Muadh asked in an angry tone: “Who has brought this foreigner here so that he may lead the weak members of our society astray? Do you want something we revile to take root in our households? After today, I do not wish to see you here again.” One Asad ibn Zararah, who had accepted Islam and belonged to the tribe of Sa ad ibn Muadh, then spoke up. “My cousin,” he began, “listen to what this man has to say. If it is unreasonable, you can reject it, and if it appears reasonable, you may accept it.” Saad ibn Muadh then mellowed somewhat and asked what it was that Musab taught. In reply, Musab recited the first part of the Quranic chapter al-Zukhruf. Saad’s anger melted away on hearing the Quran recited, his whole frame of mind changed and in a few days he was led to accept Islam. Now he himself began to preach Islam among the Banu Abd al-Ashhal. The following is part of what he said to them: “If anyone, young or old, male or female, is in doubt about his religion, let him bring us better guidance so that we may accept it. By God, we must bow our head to what we have now received.
(ABU NU‘AYM)
Appreciating criticism
“God bless the man who makes me a gift of my own shortcomings,” said Umar.
Delivering justice regardless of rank
Ali ibn Abu Talib lost a coat of armour in the Battle of Jamal. One day when he was walking in the market place, he saw a Christian selling coats of armour, one of which he recognized as his own. He pointed it out to the Christian, telling him that the matter would have to be brought before a Muslim judge. Ali, who was Commander of the Faithful at the time, asked his chief Justice, Shurayh, to settle the dispute between himself and the Christian. Shurayh then asked Ali to put forward his case. “This coat of armour is mine,” replied Ali “And what do you have to say?” asked the judge, turning to the Christian, who accused the Commander of the Faithful of falsifying the facts. “It belongs to me,” he asserted. The judge thereupon asked Ali who his witnesses were and Ali produced his son, Hasan, and a slave, Qambar. The judge then told him that he would have to bring another witness in place of Hasan. “Do you reject the testimony of Hasan?” asked Ali, to which Shurayh replied, “That is besides the point. You yourself have taught me that a son’s evidence in support of his father is not acceptable.”
(AL-SHA‘BI)
Public speaking and public silence
Describing the gatherings of the Prophet, Ali ibn Abi Talib said, “While the Prophet was speaking, they all kept their heads bowed as if they had birds perched on top of them. Only when he had finished what he was saying would the others speak up, and no one ever quarrelled about anything in his presence. While one person was speaking, the others would listen quietly until he had finished what he had to say. In this way, everyone was given an equal opportunity to have his say.
(AI-TIRMIDHI, SHAMAIL)
Answer, but do not rebuke
At the outset of his mission, the Prophet was able to continue with his work, because he had the protection of his uncle, Abu Talib. But, in the tenth year of his mission, his uncle died, and the People of Makkah, now able to take action against the Prophet, cut him off from the tribal brotherhood, thus forcing him to search for a new patron. Accompanied by his uncle Abbas, the Prophet went to the fair of Ukaz, where he visited the tents of various tribes to ask them to extend their patronage to him, so that he could continue his preaching work. But, for fear of the Quraysh, no one was willing to do this. The next year, the Prophet once again visited Arab fairs in search of a patron. This time he met six men of the Aus and Khazraj tribes of Yathrib (Madinah) whom he talked to about Islam. When they asked him about the nature of the revelation he had received, the Prophet recited some Quranic verses from the chapter of “Abraham” to them. It took only this to melt the hearts of these men from Madinah, and they accepted Islam. It was nighttime and their voices were overheard by Abbas ibn Abd al Muttalib as he passed nearby. Recognizing the Prophet’s voice, he came up to the group and asked his nephew (the Prophet) who it was he was talking to. The Prophet told his uncle that they were from Yathrib and that he had given them the same message that he had given to the other tribes. “They accepted it and believed. They are willing to take me to their own town.” Abbas alighted from his camel and came over to the group. He warned the men of Aus and Khazraj that there was no one dearer to him than this nephew of his. “You have taken his teaching to heart and believed in him, but if you wish to take him to your own land, I must first make a covenant with you and only then will my mind be at ease. You must promise not to disgrace or deceive him. There are Jews in your neighbourhood and the Jews are his enemies; not for a moment do I consider him immune from their plotting.” The leader of the Yathribian party, Asad ibn Zararah, became offended at this, feeling that what Abbas had said cast aspersions on the character of his people. He asked the Prophet for permission to answer Abbas. The Prophet said that he might do so, but “without rebuking him.”
(ABU NU‘AYM)
No response to vain words
After the conquest of Makkah, Abu Sufyan’s wife, Hind bint Utbah came to offer her allegiance to the Prophet as a Muslim. The Prophet recited to her the words of the oath to which she repeated. When the Prophet came to the words, “You will not kill your own offspring,” Hind retorted, “You have killed them all on the field of Badr; you have left us none to kill.” The Prophet did not react in any way to Hind’s rebuke; he simply accepted her allegiance.
(IBN KATHIR, TAFSIR)
Refraining from derision
In the year 9 AH the Prophet led an expedition to Tabuk. On reaching there, he noticed that Kaab ibn Malik was missing from the Muslim party. “What is Kaab about?” he asked. One of the Banu Salmah suggested that Kaab had difficulty in getting up from under his sheet; he was too busy admiring his own shoulders. Muadh ibn Jabal took offence at this remark. “That is a foul thing to say,” he commented, then, addressing the Prophet, he said, “Messenger of God, we know nothing of Kaab but good.”
(AL-BIDAYAH WA AL-NIHAYAH)
Holding one’s tongue:
the key to righteousness
While on a journey with the Prophet, Muadh ibn Jabal asked him to show him how to behave so that he should go straight to Heaven and be saved from the Fire. “What you ask is of very great importance,” replied the Prophet, “but it is not difficult for one for whom God has made it easy. Simply serve God, ascribing to Him no partner; say your prayers, pay zakat, fast and perform the pilgrimage to the House of God.” then he continued, “Shall I tell you of the gate to all goodness? It is fasting, which is like a shield, and charity, which washes away sin in the way that water douses a fire; and rising and saying one’s prayer in the stillness of the night. And shall I tell you of the foundation, pillars and roof of the edifice of religion?” Muadh showed his eagerness for the Prophet to tell him. “The foundation is Islam, the pillars are prayers, and roof the struggle for God’s cause,” said the Prophet. Then he asked Muadh, “Shall I tell you what the key to all this is?” Again Muadh expressed his desire to know. The Prophet put out his tongue and, holding it between thumb and the forefinger, said, “Control this.” “Shall we be taken to task for what we say?” enquired Muadh “Your own mother should despair of you,” answered the Prophet. “What will it be if not people’s own tongues which will cause them to be thrown head first into the fire?”
Never expressing disdain for food
Whatever the dish brought before the Prophet, he would never say anything disparaging about it. According to Abu Hurayrah, the Prophet was never in the habit of finding fault with food. If he liked something, he ate it; if not, he left it.
(AL-BUKHARI, MUSLIM)
Answering criticism calmly
A woman of the Banu Asad came before Abdullah ibn Masud and said to him, “I hear that you curse both the tattooer and the tattooed. But I have read the Quran from beginning to end, and nowhere do I find any reference to this. And besides, I wager that members of your own household have tattooing done.” Abdullah ibn Masud told her to go to his house and see for herself. She did so, but found no trace of tattooing on anyone. When she returned, Abdullah ibn Masud said to her:
“Have you not read in the Quran that you must accept whatever the Prophet gives you, and abstain from whatever he forbids?” The lady said that she had. “Well, this is something the Prophet forbade,” said Abdullah ibn Masud.
(JAMI‘ BAYAN AL-‘ILM)
Deferring to the better-informed
Abdullah ibn Umar tells of how, after the death of the Prophet, people in both Arabia and Persia started breaking their pledges to Islam. They claimed that, with the Prophet dead, there was no point in continuing to follow Islam, for it had only been because of him that Muslims received divine succour. Using this argument, they won over the people of Nihawand, with whom they forged an alliance. The Prophet’s successor, Abu Bakr, called together the Emigrants and Helpers, and told them that the Arabs were turning away from Islam and had stopped paying zakat on their goats and camels. As for the Persians, they intended to attack the Muslims along with their new allies from Nihawand. “They say that now that the Prophet has gone, God will not assist the Muslims. What advice do you have to give me” I am just an ordinary man like anyone of you. In fact, I am the least able to bear the burden of the Caliphate.”
There was a long interval of silence after Abu Bakr had finished speaking. This was finally broken by Umar, who then offered the Caliph his advice.
(KANZ AL-UMMAL)
Speaking with caution
In the Battle of Siffin in 657 AD, Muslims fought Muslims. When Umar ibn Abdul Aziz was asked if those who died in this battle would be among the damned or the saved, he replied: “God has kept my hand from their blood. May my tongue never be stained by it.”
(JAMI‘ BAYAN AL-‘ILM)
Criticise freely, but avoid wrangling
When Taus met Wahab ibn Munabbih one day, he addressed him as Abu Abdullah and informed him that a grave accusation was being made against him, namely that he had said it was God himself who had caused the people of Sodom and Gomorrah to practice homosexuality. All that Wahab said in reply was, “God forbid,” and no argument ensued.
(JAMI‘ BAYAN AL-‘ILM)
Criticise constructively.
Avoid unjust accusation
Abdullah, son of Umar ibn Khattab, completely disassociated himself from the civil wars, which followed upon the assassination of Ali. When his contemporaries accused him of not participating in the jihad he explained his stance by asking, “How can it be permissible for one Muslim to spill the blood of another?” He also maintained that he did not consider this war a jihad, but murder and bloodshed among Muslims. His antagonists, dissatisfied with this explanation, continued to level accusations at Abdullah ibn Umar, saying that his real motive was to let the companions of the Prophet kill each other off, so that when only he remained, finally, people will swear their allegiance to him as Commander of the Faithful. All these accusations were made in spite of the fact that Abdullah ibn Umar’s sincerity, piety and acumen were well established.
(ABU NUAYM)
A sign of true learning:
the ability to take criticism
According to Saeed ibn Abu Aroobah, one who does not listen to criticism is not to be counted among the learned.
(IBN ABDIL BARR)
Refrain from untruths
A Bedouin came to the Prophet and asked him to tell him of a deed, which would take him to Heaven. The Prophet replied: “Free the bonded, and give your milk-camel to others, so that they may partake of its milk; foster ties with those who severe them; feed the hungry; slake the throats of the thirsty; command good and forbid evil. And if you are unable to do all these things, at least tell nothing but the truth.
(AHMAD, MUSNAD)
In shielding others one shields oneself
Abu Ayyub Ansari had heard a saying of the Prophet, but later felt doubtful about its actual wording. One of those who had also been present when the Prophet spoke was Uqbah ibn Amir, who had later settled in Egypt. In quest of the proper wording, Abu Ayyub acquired a camel and set off from Madinah for Egypt. He succeeded in reaching Uqbah’ s home and immediately after the two men had greeted each other, he asked Uqbah to repeat the words of the Prophet on the concealment of a Muslim’s faults, because, as he said, besides themselves, there was no one still living who had heard this saying of the Prophet. Uqbah complied with Ayyub’ s request, saying, “On the day of Judgement, God will conceal the faults of one who has himself saved a believer from humiliation in this world.”
(AL-ADAB AL-MUFRAD)
A liar is a hypocrite
When the Prophet was asked if it was possible for a believer to be a coward, he replied that it was. When asked whether a believer could possibly be miserly, he again replied in the affirmative. But when he was asked whether a believer could be a liar, he said that he could not. According to Hudhaifah, when anyone told a lie in the days of the Prophet, that was tantamount to being a hypocrite. “And now,” he remarked, “I hear all of you telling lies ten times a day.”
Viewing statements from a
particular standpoint
A companion of the Prophet was once heard to pray: “Lord’; have mercy on me and on Muhammad; and do not include in Your mercy anyone besides us.” Looked at in a certain light this statement could be interpreted to mean that this Companion harboured contempt for his own brethren. Why else would he seek to exclude them from God’s mercy? But one might view his prayer in another light and agree with Maulana Shah Fadhl ar-Rahman Ganj Muradabadi that, the Companion’s prayer stemmed, not from hate, but from an excess of love.
Think before you speak
According to Abdullah Tastari, whoever added anything new to religion would be questioned about his addition on the Day of Judgement. “If it agrees with the teachings of the Prophet, he will be saved; if not, he will be fuel for Hell fire.”
(JAMI‘ BAYAN AL-‘ILM)
Speaking much is not a sign
of great knowledge
According to ibn Uaynah, it is those who have the least knowledge who are the most brazen in passing verdicts on religious matters.”
(JAMI‘ BAYAN AL-‘ILM)
Wrongful accusation is
the worst of crimes
According to Ali ibn Abu Talib the very worst thing one can do is make a wrongful accusation against an innocent person.
One who does not control
his tongue is evil
“Shall I tell you who the evil ones are?” asked the Prophet of his Companions one day. They requested him to do so, and he said, “They are those who spread slander, who sow the seeds of dissension among friends, and who seek to lay blame upon the innocent.”
(AHMAD, MUSNAD)
Being sparing of words is
a sign of sincerity
Abdullah ibn Abbas observed that there was no one better than the Companions of the Prophet. Until the day the Prophet died, they asked him about only thirteen matters, all of which are dealt with in the Quran. “They asked about things which were of genuine relevance to them,” he said
In the tongues of men are
both Heaven and Hell
According to Abu Darda, there is no part of a believer’s body, which is dearer to God than his tongue. For it is with his tongue that he upholds truth, thereby entering Paradise. And there is no part of a disbeliever’s body, which is more hateful to God than his tongue. For it is with his tongue that he denies truth, thereby entering the Fire.
(HILYAT AL-AULIYA)
Remaining silent is, in itself, a good deed
“Keep silent unless you have something good to say,” said the Prophet.
One who fears God holds his tongue
On being asked to give someone good advice, Abdullah said, “Be content with what you have in your house, hold your tongue and shed some tears when you recall your sins.”
(HILYAT AL-AULIYA)
Most sins are committed by the tongue
“Most of man’s sins come from his own tongue,” said the Prophet.
Knowing when to speak and
when to remain silent
“Learn how to remain silent, just as you learn how to speak,” observed Abu Darda, “for silence requires great restraint. And be more eager to listen than to speak; especially avoid speaking about that which does not concern you. Do not turn into the kind of person who laughs insensitively, or who travels where he has no objective.”
(IBN ‘ASAKIR)
Avoid looking askance at others
When the Prophet’s wife Safiyyah first arrived in Madinah from Khaybar, she was lodged in one of the houses of Harithah ibn Numan. Wishing to see her co-wife, Aishah, fully veiled, entered the house of Harithah along with the throng of people who had come to visit the bride. As she was leaving, the Prophet, who had recognized her, followed her out and asked, “O Aishah, what did you think of her?” “I saw a Jewess,” replied Aishah, “Say not so” said the Prophet, “for she has entered Islam and has made good her faith.”
(IBN SA’D, TABAQAT)
The cautious tone of one who fears God
Once when Caliph Umar ibn Khattab was delivering a sermon, after praising and glorifying God, he told the members of the congregation not to be too extravagant in the dowries they gave on the occasion of marriage. “If I hear of anyone exceeding the 400 dirhams given as a dowry by the Prophet, I will confiscate the excess amount and deposit it in the treasury.” While Umar was still standing on the pulpit, a woman of the Quraysh arose and said, “Commander of the Faithful, are we to do what the Book of God says, or what you say?” “What the Book of God says,” replied Umar, and asked her the purpose of her question, “You have just forbidden dowries exceeding a certain amount. But the Quran says: “Do not take from her the dowry you have given her, even if it be a talent of gold.” “Everyone knows better than Umar,” said the Caliph, repeating these words a second and a third time. Then he again addressed the people: “I have just told you not to be extravagant in your marriage dowries,” he said and then, modifying his earlier statement, he continued, but it is for you to decide how much you give; just think if dowries were indicative of high rank in hereafter, surely the daughters and wives of the Prophet would have been more deserving of them.
(KANZ AL-UMMAL)
Openness to admonition:
a sign of Islamic character
Adi ibn Hatim once observed: “So long as you are able to recognize evil and do not abhor what is good, and so long as a learned man may stand up and admonish you with impunity, you will continue to follow the path of righteousness.
(KAANZ AL-UMMAL)
One who craves God’s mercy shows compassion to others The Prophet invoked God’s mercy upon those who showed consideration for others in their business dealings, and in the exacting of their dues.
Both good and evil in what we say
Said the Prophet: “When you speak, do so in a good cause. That will serve your interests. And refrain from harmful speech. In that way, you too will be saved from harm.”
(AL-TABARANI)
Thankfully accepting one’s lot
Abu Ayub Ansari, once questioned about the nature of the Prophet, replied that the Prophet never asked for any special type of food to be made for him: nor did he ever complain about the food he was given.
(WAFA AL-WAFA)
Gauging one’s own strength
before testing it on others
Abdullah ibn Umar relates how once, when he was listening to a sermon preached by Hajjaj ibn Yusuf, he took objection to something Hajjaj had said, and was just about to air his own views on this, when he recalled what the Prophet had once said that it did not befit a believer to disgrace himself. Abdullah ibn Umar had asked the Prophet what was meant by disgracing oneself, and the Prophet had replied: “It means attempting to deal with a problem which is quite beyond one’s capacities.”
What a believer’s speech should be like
The Prophet said: “A true believer does not insult or curse people: neither does he use foul or vulgar language.”
(Al-Tirmidhi, Shama’il)
A good Muslim is one of good character
The Prophet was once asked who the best Muslim was. “One from whose tongue and hand other Muslims are safe,” was his reply.
(ALBUKHARI, MUSLIM)
Vain talk in itself is a sin
The Prophet Muhammad once observed that the most sinful people are those who indulge in the most vain talk. A group of people, who once came to visit a Companion of the Prophet who lay dying, noticed that his face was radiating light, and they asked him how this came to be. “There are only two aspects of my behaviour which I feel certain will explain this, he replied. “One was that I used to avoid vain talk, and the other was that I harboured no ill-feeling in my heart towards other Muslims.”
(JAMI‘ AL-ULUM WA AL-HIKAM)
