Parents cannot be with the children all through their life like shadows. Children as they grow have to face life with all the challenges it poses. Good parenting is to train your children to develop self-confidence to the extent that they may stand up to the challenges of life, especially in the later period of their lives. That kind of parenting is good which proves to be effective in their future and that kind of parenting is bad which has untoward results. It is not inside the home that parenting may be judged good or bad. It is outside the home that parenting must be judged. That parenting which proves effective outside the home is good parenting.
Ibn Musayyib was a senior companion of the Prophet. The caliph sent a marriage proposal for his daughter. The caliph wanted to marry Ibn Musayyib's daughter. But Ibn Musayyib didn't accept the proposal and married his daughter to an ordinary student.
Someone asked Ibn Musayyib that his daughter had received a marriage proposal from the palace, then when he married her to an ordinary person. He replied that had his daughter gone to the palace, she would have been surrounded by luxury and splendour. Copy Arabic text (Hilyatul Awliya wa Tabaqatul Asfiya, v. 2, pp. 167-69)
What would have remained of her religion there? In the midst of the glories of the palace life, her religious spirit would have weakened. If you want to cultivate the spirit of God-consciousness in your children, you have to make sacrifices. If you want them to have luxurious lives, easy money and all kinds of material happiness, and at the same time desire that they have God-consciousness, then you don't pay the price for what you desire. Ibn Musayyib wanted his daughter to lead a religious life, so he paid the price by marrying her to an ordinary man.
The Quran says: Copy Arabic text (25:74)
Lord, make us a model for the righteous. This is no simple matter. This requires a great decision. If a person wants to do something big, he has to also pay its price. He has to fulfil its demands. You will have to present the truth to your children in a way that addresses their minds. This prayer is for family members, but it actually speaks about the responsibilities of the head of the family. This prayer asks for certain qualities in one's family members, but this is a responsibility of the head of the family. The head of the family has a great responsibility. The greatest responsibility is for him to not adopt the way of double standards: he may speak of religion, but the atmosphere that he builds in his house is materialistic in nature.
