In several places, the Quran exhorts us to be on our best behaviour with parents, pay their dues, and, even when scolded by them, refrain from angry retorts; we should never be found lacking in loving them or serving them. That is to say: we should at all times conduct ourselves with the utmost propriety, regardless of how our parents treat us.
According to a hadith, a man approached the Prophet and asked, “O Prophet, who is more deserving of my good behaviour?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man then asked, “Who after that?” The Prophet again said, “Your mother”. The man repeated the question, and the Prophet said, “Your mother”. When the man asked the Prophet the fourth time, he said, “Your father” (Sahih Muslim, Hadith No. 2548).
Many traditions tell us that after God, it is to parents that one has obligations more than to anyone else. One reason for this is that individuals receive the maximum benefits from their parents. It is incumbent upon a person to serve his parents to the best of his ability when he grows up. He should come to their old age as they came to his assistance in his childhood.
Another reason is that serving parents enables a person to become a servant of humanity, look at all human beings with love, honour them, and pay their dues.
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Chapter 31 of the Quran states: “We have enjoined man to show kindness to his parents—for his mother bears him, in hardship upon hardship, and his weaning takes two years. [We said] Give thanks to Me and to your parents; all will return to Me. But if they press you to associate something with Me about which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. Yet be kind to them in this world and follow the path of those who turn to Me. You will all return to Me in the end, and I will tell you everything that you have done.” (31:14-15)
After God, a person’s parents have the first claim upon his loyalty. But, if the parents’ desire clashes with God’s will, then preference has to be given to God’s will and the parents’ wishes have to be accorded the second place. However, it is necessary even then to continue to serve the parents as before.
As regards God, a person’s responsibility is to be grateful to Him, acknowledging His godhead from the deepest recesses of his heart. He should be filled with feelings of acknowledgement of the blessings of God. All his existence should become a remembrance of God Almighty.
A person’s responsibility with regard to parents is that he should give them their rights. He should treat them honourably. He should speak to them with gentleness. He should fulfil their needs. He should support them in the full sense.
If there is a clash between the commands of the parents and the commands of God, it is incumbent upon a person to fulfil the commands of God. At such times a person’s obedience to the command of parents is not necessary, but even at that time he must treat them gently. He will be duty-bound to do so. One is never exempted from moral responsibility.
Source: The Spirit of Islam
Islam gives examples of how we can fulfill our duties toward our parents. From the example of Prophet Abraham we learn what our behaviour should be towards unbelieving parents. We are to obey them as long as doing so does not contradict God’s commands. We are to convey to them the message of God in a gentle, kind-hearted and reasonable manner. But if they chose to disbelieve, we must not force them, but, instead, should pray for their forgiveness instead. The Prophet Ismail’s example shows us what our behaviour should be towards believing parents. We are to obey them in what is right and seek guidance from them and assist them in their work.
Source: Spirit of Islam February 2014
