In Islam, marriage is both a civil contract entered upon by mutual consent of the bride and the groom and a highly sacred bond to which great religious and social importance is attached. As an institution, it is a cohesive force in society. While marriage is the rule of life, divorce is only an exception, but it must also be accepted as a reality. Although Islam permits divorce, it lays great emphasis on its being a concession, and a measure to be resorted to only when there is no alternative. In this light, Prophet Muhammad said,

“Of all things permitted, divorce is the most hateful in the sight of God.” (Abu Dawood, Sunan, Kitab at-Talaq, 2/255.)

When a man and a woman live together as husband and wife, it is but natural that they should have their differences. They must strive to unitedly in spite of differences. This can be achieved only through patience and tolerance, virtues advocated by the Prophet not only in a general sense, but, more importantly, in the particular context of married life. Without these qualities, there can be no stability in the bond of marriage. However, it has to be conceded that life does not always function smoothly. Despite all safeguards, it sometimes does happen that a couple reach a stage of such desperation that they become intent on separation. Here the Shariah gives them guidance in that it prescribes a specific method for separation. The Quran expresses it thus:

“Divorce may be pronounced twice, then a woman must be retained in honour or allowed to go with kindness”. (2: 229)

This verse has been interpreted to mean that a man who has twice given notice of divorce over a period of two months should remember God before giving notice a third time. Then he should either keep his spouse with him in a spirit of goodwill, or he should release her without doing her any injustice.

This method of divorce prescribed by the Quran, i.e. taking three months to finalize it, makes it impossible for a man seeking divorce suddenly to cast his wife aside. Once he has said to his wife, “I divorce you,” both are expected to think the situation over for a whole month. If the man has a change of opinion during this period, he can withdraw his words. If not, he will again say, “I divorce you,” and they must again review the situation for a further month. Even at this stage, the husband has the right to revoke the proceedings if he has had a change of heart. If however, in the third month, he says, “I divorce you,” the divorce becomes final and the man ceases to have any right to revoke it. Now he is obliged to part with his wife in a spirit of good-will, and give her full rights.

This prescribed method of divorce has ensured that it is a well-considered, planned arrangement and not just a rash step taken in a fit of emotion. When we remember that in most cases, divorce is the result of a fit of anger, we realize that the prescribed method places a tremendous curb on divorce. It takes into account the fact that anger never lasts—tempers necessarily cool down after some time—and that those who feel like divorcing their wives in a fit of anger will certainly repent their emotional outburst and will wish to withdraw from the position it has put them in. It also takes into account the fact that divorce is a not a simple matter; it amounts to the breaking up of the home and destroying the future of their children. It is only when tempers have cooled down that the dire consequences of divorce are realized, and the necessity to revoke the decision becomes clear.

The sole method of having unity in this world is to live unitedly in spite of differences. This can be achieved only through patience and tolerance, virtues advocated by the Prophet.

When a man marries a woman, he has to say only once that he accepts her as his spouse. But for divorce, the Quran enjoins a three month period for it to be formalized. That is, for marriage, one utterance is enough, but for a divorce to be finalized, three utterances over a long period are required, as prescribed by the Shariah. The purpose of this gap is to give the husband sufficient time to revise his decision, and to consult the wellwishers around him. It also allows time for relatives to intervene in the hopes of persuading both husband and wife to avoid a divorce. Without this gap, none of these things could be achieved. That is why divorce proceedings have to be spread out over a long period of time.

All these preventive measures clearly allow frayed tempers to cool, so that the divorce proceedings need not reach a stage that is irreversible. Divorce, after all, has no saving graces, particularly in respect of its consequences. It simply amounts to ridding oneself of one set of problems only to become embroiled in another set of problems.