The coming together of a man and a woman in marriage is the most unique event in the universe. All the things created in the universe are in pairs. But the compatibility that exists between a man and a woman cannot be found in any other creation. When a man and a woman come together as life partners, it is evident that they have been made for one another through a conscious plan.
The relationship between a husband and wife, while unique, is also a delicate matter due to the fact that they are not related by blood. In a blood relationship, there is an emotional bonding and establishes relationship by force of nature. On the other hand, a relationship in marriage has to be developed through conscious effort and rational management.
In this journey the first important step is to realise that the partnership of man and woman in marriage is unique and part of a conscious plan. This realisation will instill a sense ofgratitude at having found each other. They will consider marriage as a blessing. A heart full of gratitude will have no negative feelings for one’s partner.
From birth, we go through a continuous process of development. In this process, intellectual development is of utmost importance. Two people who are married to each other are immediate intellectual partners to each other. Marriage offers an ideal opportunity to commune, ensuring continuity in their learning.
The three important aspects of gratitude, importance of considering marriage as intellectual partnership and deconditioning form the foundation of a good home.
However, there is a pre-condition to be fulfilled for learning. It is to have the readiness and courage to break away from any wrong conditioning which has become a part of one’s personality due to upbringing and lifestyle. We are conditioned by the environment we grow up in. The environment both within the home and outside moulds us into what we eventually grow up to be. This gives us the idea that our way of thinking is right, the result of our conditioning. Everyone goes through this. In marriage this becomes a problem. The woman looks at things from a different angle than that of the man, leading to disagreements which can blow out of proportion. The solution is to de-condition by engaging in discussion with an open mind. Both partners in this process should be ready to admit their mistakes and change their attitude.
The above three aspects of gratitude, considering marriage as intellectual partnership and de-conditioning, form the foundation of a good home.
The art of life management requires understanding of oneself (knowing one’s own capabilities and nature), and becoming aware of others’ nature and the world one lives in. This will help one to plan life in a realistic manner and make improvements as and when required.
Policy of Wait and Watch: In a marriage, a couple often makes the mistake of expecting the other to come up to their expectations from day one. They ignore the need to give time to each other to adjust, knowing well that nothing happens before its stipulated time. It is not possible to find today what you are not destined to find until tomorrow.
Mutual Trust: Mutual trust between a couple is essential to successfully build a home. The reason for lack of trust is a lack of total commitment to each other in the relationship despite being married. Lack of commitment becomes a psychological barrier. Mutual trust develops when both undertake introspection to diagnose their weaknesses and correct them.
Mutual trust develops when both partners undertake introspection to diagnose their weaknesses and correct them.
Treating trivial matters as trivial: Sometimes trivial matters escalate into serious discord. This happens due to lack of maturity and a poor sense of proportion to evaluate and understand the seriousness of an issue. Oversensitivity and over-reacting to even petty matters causes friction. Looking at an issue calmly and evaluating it in the backdrop of the big picture of life will make good sense prevail.
The formula of 30 seconds: Men are egoistic by nature and women emotional. This can make them come to loggerheads with each other due to their differences. This difference cannot be obliterated. It makes sense for the woman to keep her calm when a man’s ego flares up, and likewise when the woman gets emotional and loses her cool the man must stay calm. The law of nature on negative feelings is that it gets activated for only about 30 seconds, and if left unchecked, it gets defused. If a person controls his anger and does not allow it to flare, negative feelings will ebb away leaving no negative outcomes.
Happiness is a state of mind: Most people think they deserve more than what they have. Discontented, they spend their lives searching for an ideal partner who can live up to their imagination and in this quest for the ideal, they live unhappy lives. Happiness is a state of mind. It does not exist outside of it. Only you can make yourself happy. No one can gift happiness to you.
